GRE Philosophy

So on Tuesday, I will be taking the GRE for the second time. Let me first make it clear that I despise standardized testing. I’m not good at it, which I feel is an acceptable reason to hate it, but besides that, I don’t think that standardized testing shows anything about a student’s capability at anything other than taking that particular test. Tests like the SAT, GRE, LSAT and others are taken so often by so many people that there is a ridiculous amount of knowledge and advice out there in the world on how to take them, so that even if you are Reece Witherspoon, you can still get an LSAT score that will get you into Harvard. Yeah, I know it’s a movie, but I still think that proves a point. I mean, if you really spend hours and hours poring over books, websites, blogs, and other media preparing for these tests and you practice your ass off, you can get a good score, but what does that say about you as a person? That you have an inordinate amount of tenacity? Well, good for you! That doesn’t say anything about whether you’ll be a good student in grad school. Not in my opinion, at least.

I suppose if you don’t prepare at all for these tests and still score well, you could be considered a good candidate, but I think this says other things about you: you have a tendency to test well, you have an excellent memory and have therefore remembered everything ever taught you in your classes that would be applicable to this test, and/or you are lucky. But it doesn’t tell me you are smart (in fact, if you go into the GRE totally unprepared, I don’t think you’re smart at all) or going to do well in grad school. Grad school is not a standardized test wherein you can pick A, B, C, D, or E and use the process of elimination, educated guessing, etc. to get it right. In fact, from what I hear, you have to study in grad school, which is something you obviously did not do to take this test.

So, anyway, everyone should know by now that I am just awful at studying. I think it’s because I never had to do it, really. I learn things. And then I use them. Or I bullshit. And somehow I get good grades. That’s really what happens. Take this year’s midterms: I had three of them. For ENG 394, I had only read one thing out of like four or five. One. 96. 90 without the curve. I did study somewhat for it but it was mostly right before class and, oh yeah, I did not take notes on about half of the material, so a lot of it was skimming over things I hadn’t read. Where did that grade come from? Well, I did remember Chaucer’s tales from back in the days of high-school, there were several questions on the text I did read, and there were questions on easy concepts like courtly love. Things you ought to know about as a senior in college. Plus, one of the two essay questions happened to be something I could write very well on. Where did the rest of the grade come from? Bullshit. Really, spectacular bullshit. For REL 323, I tried to study because that’s my favorite class, but I felt like I knew it all. I had done almost all of the readings and taken notes in every class. But I got to the midterm and felt blindsided. I had no idea how to answer hardly any of the short essay questions. And somehow, I got a perfect score on them. I missed three multiple choice questions (MAN HOW I HATE MULTIPLE CHOICE) but got all of the short essays that I completely made up on the spot without a clue as to what I was writing about right. And finally for ENG 462. Now, okay, I did get an 88 on this exam because it’s a little hard to fake it in Eighteenth Century Literature. I actually tried to study really hard for this since I definitely didn’t have hardly any notes and had barely read a lot of it. I don’t know where that 88 came from. Although I definitely got 1 point out of 5 on a question so it was obvious I was trying to make stuff up for things I had no idea about.

The point is, I studied maybe a total of three to five hours for all three of these midterms and got a decent grade on all of them. I did better than many people who actually studied. I am not bragging when I say this – I am in awe of this myself. I distinctly remember feeling like I had failed everything, and yet, somehow, I did not. And I attribute this to part actual real learning in class (supplementing the true lack of studying/reading/note taking), part cramming and adrenaline, and part bullshitting perfectly. Because that’s all it can be.

You can’t bullshit the GRE. You can’t do it. I’m trying real hard, and it’s not working for me. On the first GRE, I got a 550 (75th percentile) Verbal, 620 Math (a dismal 52nd percentile), and 5.5 out of 6 on the writing. You know why? Because you can bullshit writing. And because I am terrible at multiple choice tests. And because I haven’t had math since my senior year of high-school. And because I took the GRE after I spent a weekend at the beach during which I did not study. I didn’t know what was on the GRE until three days before I had to take it. I had no idea that the entire verbal section was basically a ton of vocab words I’d never heard of before in my whole life. I took that math section and that writing section cold. The only thing I attempted to prepare for in my limited time frame was the verbal. And here I sit on a 550. The first time I took the SAT, I got a 610 verbal. The 2nd time I got a 700. Can I do it again?

Well, I sure hope so, because most of the schools to which I am applying have averages of like 730. I need at least a 700 to have a prayer of getting in anywhere. But, once again, I’m super bad at studying for anything. I’m trying though, man, really. For the past three days, I have been simultaneously trying to improve my vocabulary and practice the actual types of questions on the GRE. I’m not going to worry too hardcore about the math. I’m not going to remember any of it on test day anyway. I mean, I’m sure I’ll improve from a 620 to at least a respectable 650, which is all I care about. I mean, on the SAT, I got a 700 verbal/650 math. That’s kinda what I’m hoping for on Tuesday. A 700 verbal would put me in like the 97th percentile for verbal. NOBODY gets that kind of score on the verbal…well nobody who takes the GRE. Whereas a 650 math will still only put me in the 60th percentile…oh well. Even if you get an 800, you’re still only in the 94th percentile. I’m not going to be too damn competitive in math, a subject I didn’t even have to take in college.

I’ve figured out, though, that it’s more about practicing the different types of questions than learning vocab. I just took a practice verbal section, and I only missed 7 out of 30, which I was content with. I want to bring it down to somewhere around 3 or 5 because I figure that’s good enough to get me a 700. Practicing is the most helpful but, frankly, if you don’t know the words, you don’t know the words. At least two of the questions I missed were because I didn’t know the words. On the bright side, I kick ass at reading comprehension. I didn’t miss ANY reading comprehension questions in the section I took. I just missed 3 sentence completion, 2 analogy, and 2 antonym. So maybe if I just step up my sentence completion game, I’ll be good. Cause I’m never going to be any better at analogy then I am right now and antonym really depends on you knowing the words.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the GRE. I’m probably going to cry if I don’t get a 700 verbal and think my life is over, but maybe somebody will take me into grad school anyway. And if they don’t, well, I have a lot of options, I suppose…

Rant: College English Classes

I really wanted to bitch about something and what better place to do that than a blog? This is just a complaint about some trends I’ve noticed in my college English Classes (I’ve taken 20 of them including this semester), particularly that they assign too much reading in literature classes (and occasionally in writing classes as I could argue that perhaps no reading should be assigned in such classes). Now, you may be thinking, “You’re an English major, don’t you like to read? Isn’t it a joy to get to read delicious fiction for your homework rather than do some math problems or a lab report?”

I do see the point of such questions, but there are several things at play here. First, let’s determine what kind of reading is being assigned. Because of requirements, I am occasionally forced into classes that are the least of a few evil choices such as this semester in which I get to take Eighteenth Century Literature and Medieval Women Writers (Studies in World Lit course). Booooo. The reading for these classes is AWFUL 95% of the time. Not my cup of tea. I enjoy modern literature and also the Romantic Period and the likes of Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, etc. In other words, I could go for the 19th century to the present, but that’s about it. Furthermore, I actually tend to prefer male writers for whatever reason. So the first problem is that, while I like to read, I am sometimes forced by requirements to read things I don’t want to. For example, I decided to write this blog post because I finally went online to see what I’m supposed to be reading for my first class tomorrow (the medieval women one) – Letters of Joan of Arc (of which there are 20+ letters), and a “short” biography of her. I could really care less.

So, let’s say that’s not so bad. We often have to read things for classes we would rather not, and we just trudge through it and try to enjoy it or at least finish it. But when you’re reading something you don’t enjoy, it often goes slowly or at least slower than it would if you enjoyed it. This is particularly the case of writing before the 19th century or even way back in the 15th century just because of style and such. So when I’m assigned 40 pages of it, as I am for Medieval Women Writers on Thursday, I feel at a huge disadvantage. It would be difficult and slow reading as it is for me in my position…but 40 pages? Without even a weekend to possibly mull it over (not that I actually do any homework on the weekends, but at least give me the option!).

Alright, let’s say that’s a fluke. Maybe I have to read 40 pages for Thursday but only 1o or 15 for the next class. Except that’s not the case. For that class alone I have 40-60 pages to read for EVERY class for the rest of the semester. I mean, really. That’s a bit crazy.

But let’s say that’s my only English class or my other English classes don’t assign so much reading. Not true either. In fact, probably any person taking Medieval Women Writers or Eighteenth Century Literature is going to be an English major and, therefore, have at least one or two other English classes. Or if they don’t have other English classes, they probably have other humanities classes that require reading (as I do with my religious studies courses). So I end up with approximately 75 to 150 pages of reading every Tues/Thurs and probably about 50 or so every Mon/Wed/Fri. REALLY?!

See, my midterms did not go well. I haven’t gotten the grades back but all three were very difficult. And it was mostly because I hadn’t completed most of the reading. Well, and I suck at studying, but I’m sure having done the reading would have been helpful as well. And it’s not because I’m a bad student or I didn’t want to do the reading (although I didn’t want to in some cases). I literally did not have the time. It’s too much. How can I or anyone be expected to read 80 pages per week for one class when all of us have at least 3 other classes (and in some cases 4 or 5) and probably humanities/English classes at that? It’s ridiculous.

But because my midterms didn’t go well, I was going to try to stick it out after fall break and do all of my reading. Well, I’ve already failed. I haven’t done any of the reading for REL 314 because I couldn’t get it to print out, and I hate reading things on a computer. I attempted to read it on the computer and couldn’t do it. I read 23 pages of what I was supposed to read for ENG 462 but that’s out of 61. Luckily, we’re discussing the same thing on Wednesday so perhaps I can catch up on that tomorrow. For tomorrow, I haven’t done any reading yet. REL 323 is pretty easy to read for because I always enjoy the reading. It’s hard to read for ENG 585 because our only assignment is a research paper (with associated presentations), and we only get 10 points of participation. So I’m kind of like…why even read this article if I’m not going to be tested on any of it? I know I’m going to talk in class anyway. ENG 394 (medieval women writers) is also difficult to read for, but I really need to, I think, if that midterm was any indication.

In other words, I don’t know if I can ever meet my goal of being a good student and doing all of the reading for all of my classes for the rest of the semester. Perhaps things will work out better in my favor next semester.

Other things that annoy me about college English classes? Bunch of stupid people trying to get by with talking bs throughout class. They don’t care about grammar even though they’re in an English class. Pop quizzes, which I think is stupid because even if I did the reading, that doesn’t mean I can remember the mundane thing you want me to remember. My grade being defined by so little. Etc.

Oh, boys

Inspired by my friend, Jeff, here is my analysis of the male side of things over at OkCupid. This is the original article, and I’m analyzing the stuff the white men most often listed. Jeff analyzed white women and the person he got the idea from looked at black women.

Tom Clancy – Well, at least you’re reading. I mean, this is not my genre of choice, but I’ve dated so many guys who don’t read at all that I’m cool with it. We don’t have to read the same things, but if you think I’m crazy because I want to sit down with a good book, we’ve got problems…

Van Halen – I’m cool with that. But maybe you only know “Jump”? I mean, I personally only try to list bands that I know the lyrics to whole albums, have seen in concert, or something to that effect. So if you’re listing Van Halen, be real about it, not just trying to be impressive. Trying to impress is never going to work as well as impressing. Besides, I care more about your personality than what music you listen to anyway.

Golfing – Gross. But at the same time this is a “normal” thing – the fact that you’re into golfing says to me that you’re not some crazy anti-social guy. Still, how into this are you? Watching it on TV? Playing all the time? Wearing crazy plaid pants? My boyfriend likes to golf but he never makes me watch it and plays only occasionally.

Harley Davidson – I’ve met people who legitimately like Harley Davidson. And they are not the people I personally want to date. Being into motorcycles and being into Harley Davidson are completely different things. It’s like a religion to these people. No thank you.

Ghostbusters – Again, is this legit or just an attempt to seem retro-cool? I’ve never even seen this movie anyway, so I’m neutral

Phish – refer to Van Halen comments

The Big Lebowski – I imagine this is legit. Again, I’ve never seen this movie, but many a guy I’ve met loves it, so again, at least you’re normal.

Soundgarden – Disgusting. No.

Brew – Referring to beer? Alright. I prefer liquor and what kind of brews do you like? Are you saying brew instead of beer because it makes you sound more classy? Don’t be a fake, man. If you like beer, you like beer.

Boating – Not into it but also never done much of it.

Nofx – Again, cool if it’s a legit love, stupid if it’s not. I mean, there are some hardcore Nofx fans. What if one of those chicks saw this and got real excited and it turns out that you heard one song by them one time?

Groundhog Day – I was not into this movie. But. My boyfriend loves this in addition to The Big Lebowski. So you’re adding to the normal factor again…or at least the type I date as it seems

Hockey – I much prefer guys who are into hockey than, say, baseball or NASCAR. But I don’t really understand hockey since I am from a football/basketball kind of state. I would definitely put this in the plus column.

Jeep – I mean…jeep? You don’t like lambos or ferraris or…hell, even a Nissan. Jeep?

Blazing Saddles – still haven’t seen it, but I know it’s a legit movie. I guess with all the movies, it would be the same – are you being real about it or not? Are you listing these movies that are probably well before your time because you know they are the cool movies for guys to like or because you’ve actually seen them and liked them?

The Red Sox – I SO DO NOT CARE ABOUT BASEBALL. It’s lame. Sorry. I want my man to be obsessed with a football, basketball, or even hockey team.

The Dropkick Murphys – I guess it shows that you’ve heard of bands outside of the world of radio. Not a big fan but I respect a genuine love for them

Megadeth – This is not my music. And it is awful. Go away.

Grilling – Delicious. You can grill me some dinner any time because I do not know how to do it. Sold.

CCR – haha, I respect that

Robert Heinlein – If this guy is listed in your profile then you know what’s up. Only real sci-fi fans would do this and I am a sci-fi kind of girl.

Boats – I really don’t care. And if you’re listing this to comment on your wealth (as in you actually own boats), I care even less. Be modest about your wealth if you have it

Skiing – Sure but I’ve never done it. I would be willing to learn

Zappa – I think this one is definitely just someone trying to sound cool, which usually means you’re insecure/not cool

NASCAR – I grew up with a NASCAR loving dad. But I don’t want to date anyone who loves NASCAR. I’m pretty sure you only put this in your profile to assert your Southern boyness

Motorcycles – I support that but only if you actually can drive a motorcycle and discuss different makes/models you prefer. If liking motorcycles just means you think you would look cool if you sat on one some day…no.

Software – Any particular kinds? Do you like using it, creating it, what? Very vague and kinda screams nerd in a bad way

Dark Tower – I assume this refers to Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. Again, I seriously doubt anyone would list this if they hadn’t read at least some of it, so I grant props to that.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – You best be referring to the book series. If you’re referring to the movie, get out of my sight. But the books are awesome. Kudos to you.

Breaking Bad – Awesome show. One of the best on television. Good job.

Band of Brothers – I did not watch this, but I’ve also heard it was great, so I can’t say anything bad here either.

Burn Notice – See above

Coen Brothers – I mean, really (have you seen movies other than The Big Lebowski?)? If so then, cool. If not, stop claiming to love things just to seem cool or in-the-know or whatever

Michael Crichton – Again, I mean, not my cup of tea, but at least you’re reading. Still – Tom Clancy, Stephen King, and Michael Crichton vs. Robert Heinlein and Douglas Adams…try going out of the mainstream and trying some other awesome writers in the same genres as well

Bad Religion – see NOFX comment

Tenacious D – Love everything Jack Black does ever. Especially Tenacious D.

Mostly rock – if you list this instead of specific groups then you really don’t listen to anything. Rock has a plethora of meanings associated with it, and I take it that you just listen to the radio if this is what you say you like. Unacceptable

I’m a country boy – Well, good for you? This is only good if I am, in fact, looking for a country boy and, also, what exactly do you mean by that? Does it just mean you have a Southern accent, wear plaid, drink sweet tea, go fishing/hunting, and open doors for women? Or does it mean you are racist, chew tobacco, and vote a straight Republican tickets? Saying you’re a country boy can work in some cases and backfire in others but, either way, it doesn’t actually tell us a lot about you specifically.

Building things – Again…uh…real specific. Building bombs? Building fake planes? Building buildings? What do you like to build? And, if so, how does this factor into your life or is it just a hobby? Or is it just something neat to tell people? (It’s not.)

Queens of the Stone Age – Mildly acceptable unless you’re only saying this because of that one song (the only song I know by them too, by the way – “No One Knows”). If the song on the radio is the only one you know, but you liked it…that still doesn’t mean this can be a favorite band of yours.

Mountain Biking – I’m not outdoorsy. But otherwise I feel this is an acceptable thing to list about yourself.

I can fix anything – No you can’t. Or you wouldn’t be on a dating website because you can’t fix broken relationships. HA! My point is, don’t make broad generalizations that are basically bragging about yourself. Maybe you could say that you’re pretty good with a hammer or list some things you’ve fixed before to get the point across that maybe you’d be a handy guy to have around. (But think about this – do you really want women using you for this reason?)

The Offspring – This can go either way. I fucking love The Offspring. But a guy who loves The Offspring could also love Papa Roach.

A few beers – When? How often? How few? What kind? In what situation? If you like to have a Blue Moon once a week, say so! Be specific! But at least you’re laid back about drinking, I guess

Apocalypse Now – k…I’m not watching it with you though

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels – Here we go. I can’t say this movie is not legit. Why would anyone who hadn’t seen it ever list this as a favorite movie? Good job.

Hunting and fishing – See, you could have just said this instead of, “I’m a country boy” and still gotten the same point across. If you genuinely enjoy hunting and fishing as past times you do often, then this is fine. I mean there are women out there who appreciate that. But if you’re just saying it…lame. And I don’t go for hunters.

Most sports – WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! There are so many sports out there. SO MANY. If by this you mean football and basketball, you are LYING. Just say which sports you really get into. I understand that even if you love football and don’t care about baseball, you’ll still have ESPN in the background regardless. Saying most sports doesn’t mean anything.

World War Z – I had to Google this, actually, but I support this. Again, I don’t understand why this would be in your profile if you hadn’t actually read it

Guitar – If you actually play the guitar, that’s cool, especially if you’re good at it and also compose your own music. If you can only play the opening to a Metallica song or you just like to look at guitars and wish you could play them, stupid.

Rant: Work

My friend, Tori, recently turned me on to this thing called Project Rant (just search it on YouTube) and I noticed at work after working three days in a row this week (not something I’ve ever done at Office Depot) that I have dozens of rants throughout the day just about that place and stuff that happens there. So here they are, mostly for my benefit. Just to give that disclaimer – I know this is whiny and none of this really matters but just need to vent about it.

1. I am not a mapquest.

People constantly call the store (and as the cashier, I answer the phone during my shifts) or come in and ask directions to either (a) our store, (b) another Office Depot and/or (c) other places they want to go to around the location of my store. Where I live, on NCSU’s campus, is not in the same part of Raleigh as where I work. I pretty much only go that way if I’m going to work because everyone who goes to State, knows it is usually closer or at least easier to go to Cary. In fact, if I didn’t work at the Office Depot in Raleigh, I would go to the one in Cary if I needed to go to such a place. Furthermore, why the FUCK would I know how to get to an Office Depot that I don’t work at? True, most of the managers and some of the employees who have been there awhile have gone to the other stores, but I’ve never had to and why would I just for fun? Why do you expect me to know where an Office Depot that I don’t work at is located? That doesn’t make any SENSE. I can tell you the address because it’s right there in front of me on a little card but I can’t tell you what shopping center it is. And, finally, I cannot tell you how to get to my store from wherever you are unless you happen to be at N.C. State. That’s what mapquest and GPS are for. I can tell you about the shopping center we’re in and what’s across the street but not what exit to take. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?

2. Why would you go to a store to buy ink for your printer if you don’t know what kind of ink you need and just expect someone to help you figure it out?

There are tons of printers, at least four major brands, and tons of ink choices for each of the kinds of printers for each of the brands. I cannot magically tell you which ink cartridge is for you if all you tell me is that it’s an HP that prints, copies, and scans. MOST HP prints these days do all three of those things. That tells me NOTHING. But most people come in and have their printer number. That is possible to find – but it involves me taking SIX extra steps, as if I don’t have enough shit to do. As the cashier, I have to ring out all of the customers who need to buy stuff, answer the phone, and complete a task list, which usually includes stocking ink, separating ad signs, putting up candy and drinks, etc. And, trust me, answering the phone and ringing out customers is enough as it is. Yet you expect me to take my precious time to hunt down your ink when ALL you had to do was open the little flap where they go and read the big block numbers on the end. That’s it. Especially for HP – there are big, bold, dark numbers printed, facing out – those are the only numbers you need to come find your ink. Furthermore, all of the ink is in FREAKIN numerical order. I have so many people coming in looking for ink and they actually know the number they need but can’t find it – do you not know how COUNTING works?! If you need to buy ink, have the information you need instead of expecting strangers at the store to help you. Because most stores aren’t as nice about it as the Office Depot employees are forced to be and make you look it up your damn self. Oh – one last note – YOU CAN WALK BEHIND MY COUNTER. I know because there is a counter in front of the ink where we usually have the main register, you think you can’t walk in and pick out your ink. You think you have to wait in line and make me be your servant to get it for you. NO. They all have security devices and, as previously mentioned, I am busy. There is no sign that says you can’t walk into Ink Depot. So freakin do it. And leave me alone.

3. Read your freakin coupons.

99% of the coupons that Office Depot provides its customers with are not applicable to technology, even though that is what a lot of people come in to buy. I know that it is a poor system and sucks for you. I know. But it’s just the way life is. So don’t come to me with a printer and a coupon and get pissed off at me when it doesn’t work because YOU didn’t read the fine print. Don’t argue with me about how you didn’t know that and it isn’t fair because half the store is technology and that’s what we push. That’s NOT MY PROBLEM. The coupon SAYS “Not valid on any technology or consumer electronic products” usually under number three. And that’s what I, as an Office Depot employee, must follow. It is not my fault that Office Depot has shit coupons like that and it is not my fault that you didn’t read the coupon. And DON’T argue with me about what is and isn’t technology. We have seven aisles entitled “Technology A,” “Technology B,” and so on. ANYTHING on those aisles (including label makers, shredders, surge protectors, CD-R’s, and even laptop cases) are considered technology and will not be counted for your coupon. GET OVER IT. Buy some damn paper when you need it and then use the coupon. As a side note, they also have expiration dates (which most coupons for most stores have) and it is also not my fault if you didn’t notice that date. It’s not. It’s yours.

4. Read the return policy on the back of the receipt before coming to the store

Almost every store (maybe everyone but that “almost” is my disclaimer) has their return policy on the back of their receipt paper, including Office Depot. Now, I will admit to you that our return policy is strict and probably unfair. No argument from me on that. BUT the fact that you can’t adhere to it is absolutely not my fault (and neither is the policy itself). At Office Depot, you have 14 days to return technology products and furniture with a receipt. Primarily for most technology items, you only have the option to exchange them if they have been opened (such as printers and notebook computers) and for software you can only exchange it for the same item if it has been opened. For everything else (i.e. office supplies), you can return it within 30 days of purchase and we don’t really care if it’s been opened or not. Anything beyond that return policy is not usually accepted although I am consistently undermined by some of the managers, primarily the store manager who does what he wants. So if you just come to me with your return that I can’t do anything about under the policy, you will leave unsatisfied. Although it does piss me off, I suggest asking for a manager if you would like something more to be done for you.

The biggest thing I get is people trying to return stuff without a receipt. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I would say 99% of places now will not accept returns or exchanges without a receipt. Unless it is an Office Depot brand item, there is no way to know that you got it at an Office Depot (so you could have paid less for it than what we would refund you). If it is an Office Depot brand item, there’s no way to know (a) which store you got it from (because inventory does vary from store to store, regardless of what you think, so it could be an item that our particular store no longer carries) or (b) when you bought it (i.e. if it would be returnable under the policy). And we still may not know what you paid for it because what if it was on sale that week but it isn’t now (thus giving you more money than you deserve) or what if you used a coupon (also giving you more money than you deserve)? OR – this could also hurt you – what if the item is on sale NOW? Then you will get back less money than you actually paid for it. While the return policy itself is pretty strict, the fact that you have to have a receipt makes TOTAL sense and I don’t understand why the FUCK you people don’t understand that?!

And I also don’t understand why YOU get pissed at ME when you try to return something outside the limits of the policy, as if it is my fault that YOU screwed up. I don’t care if you just now opened that thing you bought 3 months ago only to find out it isn’t what you need. That is YOUR problem. If you weren’t sure whether or not it was what you needed, you either should have waited to buy it or looked at (or asked about) the return policy when you bought it to keep a check on whether or not you needed to return it. This is not my fault. I even try to make your life easier by letting you know when you buy technology or furniture that you only have 14 days to return it. That way, I am vocally telling you the policy – not that you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to find out about it and read the back of the receipt because you should, but I am making an effort to help YOU out. And you still fucking bitch at me when it is YOUR issue. YOUR fault. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

5. Don’t be rude.

As a “Customer Service Specialist” it is basically my job to be nice to you and help you find what you’re looking for and have a pleasant experience during your trip to Office Depot. That doesn’t mean you can treat me like I’m not a person. Don’t cut me off when I’m only asking you about the rewards card or if you need stamps or would like a protection plan. It’s just a question that will take me a few seconds to ask and a few seconds for you to respond to – are you really in too much of a hurry to be polite and let me do my job? Yes, I KNOW you probably don’t want to sign up for a rewards card if you don’t already have one, I KNOW you probably don’t want the protection plan or stamps. But some people do and, regardless, it is part of my job to ask. So just let me. And when I’m being sunny and cheerful but you’re having a bad day, it’s not nice to bring me down with you. If I spoke to you the way you speak to me, you would be calling a manager, leaving the store, and/or never shopping here again. So why do you think it is okay to speak to me that way when it wouldn’t be for me to do so to you? I’m not a lesser person than you just because I work at Office Depot. I guess I would be if I was like 30 and worked there full-time, maybe, and you were like a lawyer but that isn’t the case. I’m just a kid with part-time job while I finish school and I’m just as good as you or, at least, will be one day, so the fact that I’m the one working where you’re shopping doesn’t make you better than me and mean you can speak to me however you want to. I don’t work for you. I work for Office Depot. I’m only here to help you and it makes me want to help you a lot less when you’re rude.

Those are my main rants. I have some others, I’m sure, but they’re not coming to mind at the moment – these are the five things I deal with the most every day that really grate on my nerves. In fact, I would say probably 95% of my issues at work come from the customers rather than the people I work with. I pretty much enjoy the people I work with and get along with them – there is some pretty good teamwork on most days. It’s the customers who are assholes. And that’s no good because I feel like it is a lot easier to be a customer than an employee so the customers should be nicer. There’s a lot of you and few of us so let’s make everything run better by being both good customers and good employees. Don’t ask for directions, know what ink you need, read your coupons, read your return policy, and just don’t be rude. How hard is that?

Please

Don’t move away.

Time Travel Question

So I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this on this blog before, but I absolutely love Chuck Klosterman. I have read almost all of his books, and I just think he is so intelligent, hilarious, insightful, etc. If he was younger or I was older and he didn’t have the ridiculous beard he has right now, I would probably be a legit stalker and try to find him and at least have sex with him if not marry him and have his babies. Of course, if he was younger or I was older, maybe I wouldn’t like his writing very much. And he has had that beard for awhile, so I doubt that it’s going away any time soon.

Anyway, I am currently reading his newest book, Eating the Dinosaur, because school is almost over, which means I no longer have to read bs for class that I don’t want to read and can instead read awesome books like this in my spare time. If you did not already believe that Chuck and I are soulmates, there is a whole chapter in the new book about time travel. If you did not already know that I will read anything about time travel, get out of my blog. No, just kidding, you can stay, but really? How could you not know that about me?

The purpose of this post, unfortunately, is to argue against something Klosterman said. I know I just went on about how great he is and he is great, but I think I have to disagree with one point that he made. He said that he asks this question of people when he is 5/8 drunk. What would you say to your 15 year old self if you only have fifteen seconds? Meaning, you could not explain who you are or anything – you could only give a fifteen second message in that phone call to your 15 year old self. Chuck goes on to say that, “But from a more practical standpoint, the thing I’ve come to realize is that virtually no one has any idea how to utilize such an opportunity, even if it were possible. If you can’t directly explain that you’re talking from the future, any prescient message becomes worthless. All advice comes across like a drunk dialer reading a fortune cookie” (56).

I disagree. Many of the examples Chuck gives are about things that may have happened way after the age of 15. Well, why would you choose to say something like that? (Example: Invest in Google). Of course that is just going to sound like gibberish. The first thing I thought of when I read the posed question in the book was, “What was I doing when I was 15 that I would like to change?” Maybe most people would not respond that way, I’m not sure, but I did. And I thought, “I was dating JD.” Because when I was in high-school, most of my life revolved around whoever I was dating or not dating at the time and, to be honest, not too much has changed since then except that I am much smarter and a much better girlfriend. Anyway, I digress. I think the whole point is that you would have to tell your 15 year old self something that does or will relate to your 15 year old self in the very near future. Otherwise, it will sound like crazy talk.

The first thing I thought of to say to my 15 year old self was, “Don’t date JD the second time.” I feel like that would be a fairly clear cut statement to my 15 year old self. Now, let’s say, I said that statement to my 15 year old self between March 22, 2004 (my 15th birthday) and September 25, 2004 (the day before JD asked me to be his girlfriend). Between March and September, that statement would have little meaning. But from September 1st to the 25th, I’m sure I would remember it and think, “…what? It looks like I’m about to date him but this is only the 1st time…not the 2nd time…should I still do it? Who the hell was that phone call from?” What I mean is that because the statement made related to events that would actually happen to my 15 year old self, I think my 15 year old self would remember it and consider it. And, now, my 15 year old self would know that that relationship ends at some point before it even begins, which could change my life dramatically. Maybe 15 year old Meaghan decides to not even date JD at all or to not stay with him while he goes to boot camp or whatever. But let’s say everything still goes the same way it went. By the time March 1, 2006 (approximately) comes around and he decides to break up with me and then March 31, 2006 (again, this is approximately) rolls around and he decides he wants to be with me after all, guess who says no and saves herself a rather shitty senior year? Me, that’s who.

I mean, who wouldn’t remember a statement like that made over the phone? Especially if 15 seconds was enough time to say, “Don’t date JD the second time because it will ruin your last year of high-school and first semester of college.” Then I think 15 year old Meaghan would really remember that. I don’t see why this would be useless. Maybe I was just a weird kid but if someone called you right now and told you something weird like that but then you met the person that was mentioned in the statement or something they said actually happened…would you not remember that phone call? Even if it was too late to change anything? Why would a phone call like that be useless?

It would be even more helpful if I was told the month that I was calling my 15 year old self. Because maybe if I knew that it was March through August, it would be something more related to my first ex-boyfriend about how I shouldn’t be such an ass to him. And if it was after September 26, 2004 then it would be much harder to convince 15 year old self ANYTHING about JD. I could say the same statement but I don’t know if 15 year old self would listen. The really crucial time to say such a statement would be between the first day of school (don’t remember when that would be really…second week of August?) and probably more like September 20th or something like that. That would be the best time. Still, I think that statement would make an impact, regardless of what month it was that I called 15 year old self. I don’t think it would be completely useless.

If you disagree, feel free to express yourself. I feel sad that I am disagreeing with Chuck Klosterman but that kind of makes me like him even more.

I Have to Change

I know I have not written here in a long time and, in fact, I didn’t even look at what I last posted before beginning this post. But I felt that I needed to express myself somewhere where people may read it. Writing it out in my own personal journal wasn’t quite as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be. I realized tonight that I have somehow been sabotaging my own dreams for the future, and I am sick and tired of it.

If you have ever read this blog or know me personally then you probably know that I have this unending goal of losing weight. It seems I am constantly setting out to achieve this goal, coming up with new meals or new things to do at the gym or recycling old ideas, to never actually succeed. I gained about 40 lbs since coming to college, which is particularly unfortunate considering that I already needed to lose weight in the first place. I am a size I had hoped I would never reach, and I feel farther from my goal than I ever have before. However I realized that I have no one to blame but myself. I get fired up about this subject, and I will go to the gym with new energy and I will eat healthy for all three meals…but then I will stop after a few days. And then I will start back up again. And then stop. Going back to sleep in the morning or getting that little extra sugar fix somehow seems more appealing in the moment than being happy about my body some day in the future. Somehow, I am subconsciously sabotaging myself from reaching this goal. I do not know what negatives my subconscious could be creating about losing weight – I can think of none myself. But apparently they are in my mind somewhere just working on me from the inside. Well, no more.

Before I get to the big conclusion, I’ve got two more points to make. See, this is not the only area of my life in which I am self-sabotaging. Another one is my career. I want to be a writer. I realize that before I can do that, I will have to find a real job like being a copy editor or writing for a small magazine or even being someone’s secretary, and I accept that. But there are things I can do to further my career like take an internship, and I just keep putting it off. Today I finally buckled down and sent out about 20 emails to places that seemed promising, but I also set aside 10 or so that I would have to call. Do you know that I knew when I set those aside that I would never call them? Now why is that? A phone call is simple, and it would be worth it ten times over if it got me an internship that eventually led to a full-time job or even a career. Yet something in my brain prevents me from making those phone calls. What is that?! I want to be successful at something I enjoy. An internship is a great way to make that happen. Why can’t I try just a little bit harder if it will mean making one of my dreams come true?

And of course the last example is personal. I really wish I could stop myself from being so emotional, overreacting, and/or just plain doing and saying stupid things or things that I shouldn’t say. Sometimes, right before it comes out of my mouth or right before the tears start to well in my eyes, I think, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOPPPPPPP” but somehow I just can’t. The words fly right out there and my eyes overflow. Once a month, I think I have the culprit but, truth be told, this happens sometimes when it’s not that time of the month. It’s like my subconscious is totally screwing up my life because consciously, I want everything to be great, I want to be a good person and avoid saying or doing anything stupid. But it happens anyway. And immediately when I leave and I’m in my own apartment by myself I think to myself, “WHAT THE HELL?!” And I wish I could take it all back but I know that I can’t and I know that that stupid thing that I just said could come back and bite me in the ass.

So what’s the big conclusion? I’m done with this subconscious bullshit. I am taking control of my life. Every time my subconscious peeps and says, “Wouldn’t you like another hour of sleep? You can always go to the gym tomorrow” or “You can call that publishing house tomorrow. It’s not the weekend yet” or “You should cry now at that offhand comment that didn’t mean anything” I will just punch my subconscious in the face and tell it to keep its mouth shut. I’m tired of being my own worst enemy and stunting my dreams instead of furthering them. I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to get an internship (or at least try very hard), and I’m not going to damage my personal relationships any further. I’m done with it. I want to be healthy, I want to be successful, and I want to be a good person to those who care about me. And because I want all of those things so badly, I know that I can achieve them if I set my mind to it. So look at me right here – I’m setting my mind to it. And it’s going to get done.

He’s Just Not That Into You

So I’m watching that movie, and it’s a great showcase of fucked up human romantic relationships. I’ve been inspired to share my opinions on the decisions the women make and the actions that they take. Obviously there are big time spoilers here if you haven’t seen it.

1. Beth & Neil

They have been together for seven years. They live together, love each other, and don’t want to be with anyone else. But Neil doesn’t want to get married. He doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage as an entity and thinks that people who get married do so out of obligation and end up unhappy. They do it because that is what they’re supposed to do.

Clearly, since I want to get married more than almost anything else in my life, I disagree. But I know that people have that opinion, and that’s fine. But they should really only be with people who share that opinion. If a person like Neil is with a person like Beth, who wants to get married, it doesn’t work out – Beth will always be unhappy and Neil will never understand why she is unhappy.

At this point in the film, Beth has broken up with Neil because of the marriage issue, stating that it’s bullshit that he won’t marry her. I agree. If he loves her so much that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else ever (something he states in the film), then he should just marry her. Nothing about his life would fundamentally change. They already live together so they share at least some financial responsibilities and a life together. Sure, if they got married, there would be more shared financial responsibility, she might would take his last name, and it would be harder to break up if he ever changed his mind about his commitment to her. But the big life changes that typically come with marriage have already happened, and he still wants to be with her. I completely believe that he doesn’t believe in marriage (in other words, I don’t think he’s just saying that as an avoidance tactic), but if he really loves this girl and marriage won’t really change anything in the first place, he should just do it if that’s what it takes to keep her and make her happy. Maybe even marrying Beth, the person he loves most in the world, will change his opinions about marriage itself.

Later in the movie Beth returns to Neil by saying that him and his love are enough for her, and she can take marriage completely off the table. As soon as she does, Neil realizes that he can only be happy if Beth is happy, so he asks her to marry him. So he did exactly what I would have told him he should do. Ha!

2. Ben & Janine & Anna

Ben & Janine are married and renovating their home. In their first scene together, Janine mentions having a baby to which Ben responds that he doesn’t think they’re at that place yet but will be soon. I didn’t buy their relationship in the first place, but that also kind of sealed the deal. Again, this is an important, fundamental disagreement. A family is something she is really striving for while Ben isn’t even really considering it yet, even if he may one day. She also asks him if he’s been smoking because he’s kind of jumpy because…

He’s been talking to Anna on the phone. He met Anna at the grocery store and was very attracted to her (she’s played by Scarlett Johannsen after all…). For a little while Ben tries to avoid being around her at all, knowing that trouble could only come from it, and she is disappointed because she feels an instant connection and attraction to him. But then he shows up to her yoga class. And then he watches her swim naked. They state that they can just be friends, both knowing that they probably can’t. And then they have sex. And then Ben tells Janine and they break up.

And at this moment she’s explaining to one of her friends why this was her fault. She forced him into marriage (by basically saying that if he didn’t marry her, she would break up with him). She’s not fun anymore. They never have sex. Etc. I also brought up the smoking thing because, later, Janine finds a pack of cigarettes and a makeshift ashtray full of stubs and ashes and is convinced that Ben is smoking again, even though he’s not.

I think she’s partially right. She should not have forced him into marrying her the way that she did. It just made him resentful. If he didn’t want to be with her forever then he shouldn’t have married her. If she doesn’t trust him – and then he gives her a legitimate reason not to trust him – they shouldn’t be married. These are fundamental reasons why they should not be together. The other things she mentioned are fixable – having fun, not having sex, etc. These things can be fixed. The other things can’t be.

As far as Anna’s part in this situation – I am not justifying Ben having an affair. It’s still wrong that he slept with another woman while he was married. But I blame him for that, not her. It may have been naive of her to believe him (he has sex with his wife in his office while she’s in the closet after they’ve reconsidered and decided to work on their marriage) but she thought she could fall in love with him. To her the risk was worth it. He, on the other hand, should have waited to be with her until he was sure he was going to break things off with his wife. Especially since he didn’t end up doing that and hurt both women in the process. (He also was smoking behind her back and consistently lying about it.)

In the end, Ben is fucked over with his wife saying goodbye to him with packed luggage, a carton of cigarettes, and a note requesting a divorce and Anna telling him to never call her again. That’s what he gets for trying to have his cake and eat it too, I say.

3. Anna and Conor

Conor thinks Anna is the one for him even though their relationship has been platonic for the most part. They’ve had sex before and a romantic relationship may have been implied at one point, but they’re pretty much just friends. He is convinced otherwise (playing the more traditional feminine role) while she is off making time with Ben. Once Ben has completely fucked over Anna, however, Conor shows up and says that they call each other sweetie, they talk until they fall asleep at night, etc. – they act the way a normal couple does, but they’re not a couple. So Anna agrees to a commitment with him though later that night it is implied that perhaps she still isn’t happy.

I think this is a classic situation where the girl wants to be with the one person who isn’t committed to her and isn’t satisfied with the one person who is fully committed to her. Neither of these situations is her fault. What is her fault are the actions she takes. She should have realized that real commitment from Ben would mean waiting to sleep with her until he was separated from his wife and that if she doesn’t love Conor then she shouldn’t commit to him.

Luckily when Conor proposes moving in, she admits these feelings to him, and they revert back to friendship.

4. Alex & Gigi

Gigi knows less about the opposite sex than pretty much all of the women. She goes on a date with Conor and then obsesses about him not calling her (the reason being that he’s so obsessed with Anna). She runs into Alex, his friend, at the bar and they begin a dialogue in which he explains the actions between men and women to her. If the guy wanted to see her again, he would make it happen. From that point forward every time she goes out with a guy, she calls Alex to ask his assessment of the situation and what action she should take next. They build a friendship and he even attempts to set her up, though the friend of his doesn’t show up. To Gigi – and the audience – it seems that Alex is interested in Gigi. He looks forward to their conversations, he answers the phone when he’s hooking up with another girl, perhaps the friend that didn’t show was imaginary, etc. In any normal romantic comedy, this would be indeed what happened. But when she comes on to him based on nothing more than these signs, he rejects her.

Gigi moves on and finds out that the friend Alex was going to set her up with is real. They go on a date and have a nice time. The roles are reversed – Alex is waiting for Gigi to call and is an emotional wreck because of it, but she’s moving on to others. Once he realizes he really cares for her, he shows up at her door, saying that she is finally an exception to all of these dating rules. At least she is for him.

I personally think this relationship between Alex and Gigi is the most bogus one in the film, even though it’s the focus of it – Gigi appears to essentially be the main character and narrates the beginning and the end. But it’s what every girl thinks is supposed to happen…and then it does…even though the movie is trying to show that all of these ideas about relationships are retarded. I think they shouldn’t have ended up together after all, even though it made for a nice ending and a corny line.

5. Conor ends up with Mary, who we don’t see too much of throughout the film because all of her other romantic interests are through texting or the Internet.

The movie is right about one important thing – we are taught really stupid things about the way we’re supposed to interact with those we’re attracted to from a very early age. In the movie, Gigi kept pointing out how insensitive Alex was when he was telling her that the guy wasn’t interested in her, but that wasn’t him being insensitive – it was him being honest with her and trying to help her by telling her the way it really was rather than doing what all of her other friends were doing and giving her false hope. My point is that women are so used to being around women and knowing how women think and feel that when they’re with a guy, they try to use what they’ve learned when it just doesn’t work. They operate differently so if you continue to try to form a relationship with him through the tactics women think work, you’re going to fail. Listen to what men tell you because they obviously are going to know men better than you do. And, besides, in the movie, Alex was right. If a guy wants to see you, he’ll make it happen. You have to accept that if he’s not calling you, he doesn’t want to see you and don’t make excuses for him.

Anyway, these are things I like to think about, so this movie gave me some fuel. It’s a pretty good movie, though I think it’s definitely one for the girls. I can think of a few guys who would find it interesting, however…

The last line of the film sums up how I feel about love and this quest in finding it:

“Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”

Overachiever.

So. I just found out that I could have graduated next semester, I think. Because I only need 5 more classes to complete my degree.

Now. I wouldn’t be graduating with honors, through the UHP or through the English Department, and I wouldn’t be completing two minors, and I wouldn’t be studying abroad. But I could have been done a year early. And, as a bonus, I could have graduated with someone I am caring more and more about.

I can’t figure out why I always have to be an overachiever. I could have left that life behind after high-school and just took classes that counted toward my degree and been out of here early. But, no. I had to go and do the honors program. And then I decided I wanted a couple of minors (originally I was a double major until I decided I didn’t like the Spanish program here). And then I decided I wanted to graduate with honors in the discipline too.

And I don’t really know why. If I don’t go to grad school, is anyone at all in the real world going to care that I did all that extra crap? Are they going to care that I graduated Summa Cum Laude (and maybe a valedictorian, as it is currently my goal to graduate with a 4.0)? Is it going to matter?

If it will matter, then cool, I don’t feel like such an idiot. But if it’s not going to matter at all, then maybe I will try to graduate in December (I can still finish the honors program if I do that, which is the biggest thing since I did take four of those fucking hard seminars after all). And just screw the two minors. Or something.

A list of things I’m thinking about

I’m basically posting because I haven’t in awhile. This is going to be random because I didn’t have anything particular in mind.

1. I’m tired of people hating on Twilight just for the sake of hating it. I mean, I’ve written a whole post on it before, so I won’t go into too much detail. I’m not saying it’s the great, amazing thing that everyone should love. You can hate it. But hate it because you’ve experienced the books, not just the movies, and decided it wasn’t for you. Don’t hate it just because everyone else does so it’s the cool thing to hate right now. Don’t hate it because of all of the crazy fangirls. Don’t hate it if you don’t really know anything about it.

2. My boyfriend is awesome.

3. I don’t understand why people are surprised that Obama is doing something they aren’t comfortable with. I don’t even know that much about it, except what I’ve seen people say on FB and Twitter. But, frankly, you can vote for someone based on their campaign, but you have to know that that campaign doesn’t really matter once he’s in office. He can pretty much do what he wants. Don’t be shocked when he does.

4. Brittney and I have decided to create a sex scavenger hunt so when we do different things, we can check it off a list. But we both have boyfriends now, so it will probably be easy.

5. I am basically done with school this semester. And I’m super excited about it because everyone is running around freaking out right now and I’m just chillin. Hey, I got my freaking out done the week before Thanksgiving, so I’ve paid my dues. Time to relax.

6. I almost wrote Moulin Rouge fan fiction for my creative assignment, but I think I’m just going to make a collage instead.

7. I got my parents awesome Christmas presents all thanks to Jordan.

Okay, gotta go shower. Hope you enjoyed the random post.

EDIT:

I forgot something! That new law against text messaging while driving. Alrighty. I have a very unpopular opinion about this. It seems that everyone – not just parents, teachers and other authority figures but students and other young people as well – agrees that it is a great idea for NC to have a law against texting and driving because it’s so dangerous. I even read in NCSU’s paper some student saying that while he texts and drives he thinks the law will help him stop that bad habit.

I’m not saying this law is a bad thing necessarily. I’m saying it’s annoying. I occasionally text and drive, but I’m good at it. I wouldn’t text and drive if I couldn’t do it safely. I don’t do it when it’s raining, the traffic is bad, or there’s some other aspect of the driving experience that is already heightening the level of danger on the road. I don’t do it a lot – I don’t carry on whole text conversations while I’m driving. If I’m texting someone a lot but have to drive, I let them know that I won’t be able to respond until I get to my destination. I, too, am annoyed by idiots – those who really shouldn’t be texting and driving because they are obviously not very good at multitasking safely. But I’m annoyed that I have to be punished because of these idiots.

Suffice it to say, this is one of the few tickets I would ever be at risk for. And I really don’t have over $100 to blow just because of texting. I wish they had set an age limit like they did with talking on the cell phone while driving. By the time that law came into play I think I was either already above the age where it stopped or about to be.

Okay, end of rant.